Accidental friends, part 2

He groaned. That was not what he wanted to hear. “You’re not serious, Lisa. We were just... it was nothing to get all bent out of shape about. Nothing to get divorced over anyway. Jason’s not really going to get another wife.”

“I’m not bent out of shape,” she said indignant. “I thought things over and I finally got to see it through your eyes or rather through the eyes of the male animal. That is what you said you are, isn’t it? Nothing better than monkeys and apes, as I recall.”

“Uh....sort of, yeah. I said it was our natural inclination to have multiple partners. It’s in our genes.”

“And in your jeans. Yeah, I know,” she added with a distasteful look. She waved a dismissive hand. “Same difference. The point is I agree with you and that’s why I want a divorce but you know what that idiot said to me?”

He truly had no idea and even if he did he wasn’t wise enough not to say it. “Uh... no?”

“Fly on the wall, were you?” she said narrowing her eyes at him. “He said I can’t have one and then he kissed me. I’m sure he wanted to do some headboard banging too, his words not mine, but I had to get the kids up and ready for day camp.”

“Whoa! Wait a minute! You ask for a divorce...”

“Said I wanted one. Bit slow on the uptake, aren’t you?” she said crossly.

“Whatever! You drop this divorce bombshell and all he can say is let’s get busy?” Kyle said utterly incredulous.

“Well, it may have been my fault him not taking it seriously. I was cuddled up to him about a half hour before the alarm was set to go off and I was stroking....”  She stopped here, cleared her throat and gave him a furtive look. “You don’t need to know that part.... I told him I want a divorce.”  She then picked up her bagel and took a delicate bite.

He gaped at her. “But why? Why did you ask...”

“Said I wanted.”

“Okay, I give up. What the hell’s the difference?”he asked now getting impatient.

She sighed and shook her head. “How does Peggy put up with you?” was all the reply he got.

He made a growling sound in his throat but refrained from shouting, just barely. “Why did you say you want a divorce? You always  say you two get along fine, great even and you obviously did since you were ... “cuddled up”. What happened?”

She put down her bagel and frowned. “I realized you were right,” she said somewhat reluctantly.

Kyle savored that for a minute. Never had he heard that from a woman. Pity it wasn’t from his own wife but this would have to do. He knew it wasn’t likely he’d ever hear such a wonderful thing again even if he lived to be a thousand.

“About what exactly?” he asked curiosity getting the better of him.

“You really are a bit slow, aren’t you? Never noticed that before,” she said and took another bite of her bagel.

It was agony waiting for her to chew, swallow and take a sip of her water. But wait he did. He took out his sandwich and took a huge bite and was about to take another when she at last spoke.

“I figure you were right. I was being selfish. I’m messing up Jason’s natural inclination to...” she moved her hands about looking for the proper words. “Procreate or whatever.”

Kyle almost dropped his sandwich. “You’re letting him take another wife?” he shouted even louder than before.

“A little louder, Kyle. I don’t think the hospital on the next block heard you. No, that’s not it. If we divorce he can do as he pleases. It’s marriage that’s the evil here. Marriage with its unreasonable vows of chastity and faithfulness that men simply can’t follow anyway because nature gets in the way. Or rather marriage gets in the way of nature. Yes, that’s what you said.”

“Hell, that’s not what I said at all. Of course we can be faithful. I am and Jason has been, hasn’t he?”

Lisa shrugged. “According to you that’s impossible.”

“I never said that!” he shouted.

“I beg to differ, Mister. I recall quite clearly what you said. I meditated on it the whole weekend in fact.”

First off, he couldn’t believe she thought that stupid conversation worth mediating on and secondly, “You must not have had a fun weekend if that’s all you did.”

Actually it was pretty good. I guess Jason thought it time to pay me some extra attention seeing as I was unhappy enough to want a divorce, so he took me to my favorite botanical garden. There was a nice Celtic band playing and they had the fountain and light show once it got dark. We even got Chinese. It was kinda nice. He said I was still a cheap date," she said with a giggle but she quickly sobered. "That must be why he's keeping me. Saves him money. Divorce is costly I hear. But that was after he bought me about a dozen new books. It was Lisa’s weekend for undeserved gifts, "she said with an oddly sad note to her voice.

“And why would you say you don’t deserve them? Jason was obviously making certain you know he doesn’t want to lose you,”Kyle said, his tone earnest. “He knew what would get you to stop thinking of some stupid divorce.”

She shrugged again. “That’s what I get for being married to a man for over twenty years. He knows me too well.”  She sighed and added, “Guess he’s a glutton for punishment wanting be stuck with me, as unreasonable as I am and all that. But he probably knows no one will put up with his crap as well as I have all these years. I may not look it but I’m a push over. He gets his way every time with no argument from me.”

She was right. Kyle would never say she was a push over. He wanted to laugh but didn’t. Instead he just stared at her wondering what this all was really about. From being married almost as long as Lisa he knew women got upset and started fights about everything except the thing that really was bothering them. Displaced anger they called it. Man, was that annoying!

She suddenly looked so sad and he didn’t much like it. He was used to seeing her so happy and carefree. It was the one reason he felt compelled to visit her during his lunch break. Whenever he had a horrible day she would make him forget it. She always made him smile. That and she was nicer to look at than a bunch of blenching beer-bellied co-workers.

Something was bothering her and it had little to do with polygamy. He was sure of it.

“Are you going to tell me why you’re so sad when you’re not really getting a divorce?” he asked, his tone gentle.

She glanced up and her eyes looked like twin lakes ready to overflow. It momentarily tore at his heart. “I’m getting so old,” she said in a voice that trembled.

“No, you’re not,” he answered on automatic.

“It’s my birthday tomorrow,”she mumbled.

“Happy birthday! Now you’ll be...what? 25 for the fifth time?”he said smiling at her.

“So funny, aren’t you?”she replied narrowing her eyes at him.

“ Can’t be older than I am. I have the fire department on standby when they light up my birthday cake.”

“Like everything, it’s different for men. Men get distinguished as they get older. Women get extinguished,” she muttered through clenched teeth.

He laughed but quickly stopped. “That’s not true, Lisa. You’re still beautiful. Jason thinks so or he wouldn’t keep you around,” he said

“Am too. I got a speeding ticket last week,” she said by way of explanation.

This went completely over his head. He blinked several times as he chewed slowly and waited for her to clarify. When she didn’t add anything he asked, “So?”

She rolled her eyes to the heavens. “I never get a speeding ticket. They take one look at me, I smile and apologize, flirt a little bit maybe and they give me a warning and I go on my way speeding all over again. I got a ticket cuz I’m no longer cute.”

He broke out in laughter and, almost choking on his food, had to take a drink before answering. “How much over the speed limit were you doing?”

“That never used to matter,”she said avoiding looking him in the eyes.

“How much?”he asked again lifting a disapproving eyebrow much like he did with his wife or kids when they were up to no good.

She gave him a contemptuous look then said, “20 over in a school zone.”

“Hell’s bells, Kid! What did you expect? I’m surprised they didn’t haul you in just for the heck of it.”

“It never mattered before I got too old and not pretty anymore,” she said with a petulant pout so reminiscent of his own daughter he had to stop himself from taking her into his arms and telling her everything would be all right.

“20 over in a school zone, Lisa. Even a super-model in a bikini would get a ticket by these speed-Nazis we have around here. You are definitely still cute, cute as hell, in fact.”

She shot him a look at clearly said, “You know nothing.”

“Don’t believe me, huh? Well, you just get on a little mini skirt and a skimpy little tank top and walk on over to the construction site and you’ll see and hear a lot of disagreeing, loud-mouthed, chauvinist pigs telling you exactly what they’d like to do to you. That sound good?” he said forcefully.

Much to his surprise she seemed to be giving this some serious contemplation. After a minute she said, “You know what? It kinda does.”

He burst out laughing and she joined in. It took a while for them to stop but when they did she grinned at him and said, “I’m kinda glad we’re friends, Kyle, even if it is accidental.”

He stared at her, a quizzical expression on his face. “Accidental? What does that mean?”

“Well, you didn’t actually set out to be my friend, did you?”

“Does anyone set out specifically to make friends? Isn’t it all random?”

“Gosh, no. I always try to make friends with those I think I could really like.”

“You didn’t think you would like me?” he said sounding rather insulted.

“Of course not. You’re a guy,”

“So?”

“So, I’ve never had a guy friend. All the guys I’ve ever known want to get in my pants and that’s another thing that got me thinking I’m not cute anymore. You didn’t want to,” she said, pouting again.

He opened his mouth then closed it again not quite knowing how to answer that without getting himself in trouble. “I’m married, Lisa. You know that. If I were single it would be a totally different thing. I’d be all over you.”

She suddenly smiled, the sweetest smile he had ever seen on her. “That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me. Thank you, Kyle.”

“Uh... you’re welcome,” he said, a little confused but glad just the same.

“I got this Christian book, “This Present Darkness” by Frank E. Peretti. I don’t usually read books of that sort but a friend said it was really good and....”

He listened to her prattle happily on and marveled, half dazed and half bewildered at her abrupt change in countenance. Was that all it took to make her happy? Knowing he would do her in a second if given the chance? Girls were just too weird, but they were good to look at during your lunch hour.

Accidental friends, she had called them. He thought on this a bit then came to the conclusion some accidents were pretty darn good to have.