Starting over

Mark walked around to the passenger side and helped Trudy out. She stood mere inches from him yet it was entirely too far for his liking. She must have read it in his eyes. She smiled and stepped closer.

"You shouldn't look at me like that, Trudy," he said bracingly.

She looked up at him, the questioning in her eyes, but said nothing. She often said nothing yet got her point across quite nicely.

"You look like you want me to kiss you and I'm not certain that's a good idea. I might not be able to stop there," he said, only partly kidding. 

His desire for her was mounting with every breath he took. She smiled again and went up on tiptoes. She teased his lips with the merest touch of hers. That was his undoing. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her hard against him. He ran his hand down her back taking her shawl with him. It dropped to the ground but neither one cared. They were too entrenched in desire to worry about it. They kissed passionately, seeking to get into each other's skin, each other's soul, each other's hearts. 

Several minutes later Mark roughly pulled away breathing hard and fast. His heart danced around wildly."We better say good night before... we just better say good night," he mumbled as he took her hand and they walked up her steps. She unlocked her door, turned back to him and smiled again. She took his hand and gestured for him to follow her in. 

He shook his head saying, "Sweetheart, you don't seem to understand. I can't...."

"Stay with me, please, Mark," she said softly.

Mark stared at her, incredulous. He had only just told her he was in love with her that evening. And that was enough for her? She was entirely too trusting or was it that she loved him too? She hadn't said as much, but then she didn't have to. He felt it in her kiss, in the way she clung to him, in the way she looked at him with those hypnotizing blue eyes. He blindly followed her in and closed the door behind him. She led the way into the house, down the hall and into her bedroom. But they paused at the threshold. They weren't alone.

It was nothing they saw. It was nothing other than a sensing of a presence, a ghost perhaps. It was Charlie. He was there as assuredly as they were. This was his house, the one Trudy had shared with him for over twenty years. Two years of him being gone from it, from earth itself, hadn't dulled his ownership nor his claim to it and to Trudy. They both sensed this and the passion quickly passed as if it never existed. They stared at each other for a second holding hands. He ran his thumb over her wedding band and she did the same with his. They weren't ready for this, not here, not now. 

Then, as one, they turned back down the hall and to the front door. There he caressed her cheek and gazed longingly into her eyes. 

"May I see you tomorrow?" he asked quietly. Was he afraid to disturb the ghost? 

She nodded, went up on tiptoe again and kissed him lightly. "I love you, Mark," she whispered against his lips. Her eyes glistened. 

It took all his strength to pull away from her, close the door behind him and march with purpose to his car. He knew what he had to do. He had to start over.

He arrived home, flicked on the switch flooding the house with light. He felt it there, too. A definite presence. He never noticed it before. Why should he now? He went into his bedroom and stared into her face, his darling Patty. He snatched up the picture with tears in his eyes. He kissed the picture and held it over his heart. Two years and he still missed her desperately. He looked back at her smiling face.

"I'll always love you, Patty, but I'm lonely. I found Trudy and she's...I fell in love with her. Is that all right?" he whispered anxiously.

"Yes, it is," a voice sounding just like Patty spoke in his head, "I want you to be happy. Don't worry about me. Do what you have to, to get together with Trudy. She'll be good for you and you for her."

He replaced the picture frame on his night stand and pulled open her closet. He would get Cindy here to take what she liked. Cindy was almost a full eight inches shorter than Patty but he was certain the dresses would fit her well and most of them were almost new. The rest could go to the church for their clothing give-away. He closed the door again and looked around. That wasn't all that had to be changed. He went to the jewelry box and opened it. He gazed down at over twenty years of birthday, anniversary, St. Valentine's, Christmas, and just-because-I-love-you presents. Cindy would love these too. 

She would think him totally bonkers giving away all of this to her. But she was his dearest cousin, more like a sister and practically his best friend. She introduced him to Trudy after all. He owed her everything for making him so happy after two years of misery. Yes, she deserved all this and more.

He took a deep breath, closed over the cherry wood box and went through the house stopping for a few minutes in each room. Patty was everywhere. In every nook and cranny of the house he saw her, felt her. He had to call a real estate agent. To start over again he would have to do it. Patty would understand, but would Trudy? Would she be willing to sell her home and move to another one with him? Of course, before he asked her to do that he needed to ask her to marry him. That's what he truly wanted. Would she though? 

He looked down at his wedding band and reluctantly pulled it off. It had never been off since Patty placed it there all those years ago. It felt so final now. Patty, the love of his life, was truly gone, but not forgotten, never forgotten.He placed the ring on a gold chain he found in the jewelry box and hung it on Patty's picture frame. He hoped Trudy wouldn't mind him keeping this tiny, little bit of his past.