Rules Rule the World

Cats rule, get used to it!

“I am going to kill you!” Jason screamed at the top of his voice. He was so frustrated he started pulling tufts of hair out of his head as he stomped around the room.

“Didn’t we expressly forbid you from doing any of that?” Matt shouted, also pacing the room.

“What in the world is wrong with you?” Jimmy bellowed seemingly in agony, his head in his hands.

Sean sat in stony silence, his arm gripping the armrest, as his friends ranted and raved. “I was under the impression this is my life or have I been misinformed?” he snapped.

“Sean, we know you. You are your worst enemy,” Jimmy said miserably.

“We made that list with all the rules. Did you even bother to look at it?” Jason asked, exasperated.

“As a matter of fact we did,” Sean replied, a triumphant smile on his face.

“We?” Matt repeated with obvious trepidation. “Who is we?”

“Me and my date, Mandy.”

“Dear God! What are you thinking?” Jason bellowed.

“The reason for making the list, Sean, was for you NOT to do those things on your first date,” Jimmy explained slowly as if speaking to a child of sub-normal intelligence.

“Well, we thought it was stupid. How the hell else were we to get to know one another if we didn’t speak of our lives, our kids, our ex’s, all that stuff?” Sean asked.

“Are you trying to tell me you ran through the entire list on purpose?” Matt asked, incredulous.

“At first, it just sort of popped out of my mouth without my trying, but then Mandy asked to see the list and...”

“Wait, how did she know about the list? You didn’t show it to her,” Jimmy said, already knowing the answer.

“Sean,” Jason growled through clenched teeth, “we pretty much assumed you’d know you shouldn’t be showing it to your date.”

“I mentioned it by accident and then, yes, I showed it to her. We had a good laugh over it,” Sean said smiling brightly.

They stared at him then exchanged exasperated looks, completely flummoxed.

“We found we have a lot in common,” Sean continued unperturbed. “She’s the only girl I was totally comfortable with in so short an amount of time. We talked forever. We didn’t want the night to end. We didn’t even bother seeing the movie. It was awesome.” He smiled dreamily looking off into space.

“Oh, no! Sean, please, no!” Jason said desperately.

“What?”

“Don’t fall for the first girl you date after the divorce,” Matt said sternly.

“She’s not the first girl,” Sean protested. “I went out on New Year’s.”

“That wouldn’t count as a date, Sean,” Jimmy said. “You met her at the party and she left with someone else, remember?”

“I didn’t like her anyway. Reminded me a bit too much of Debra,” Sean said in his defense.

“Regardless, the point is she’s just a transition girl, and she won’t last so don’t go imagining yourself in love,” Jason said.

“Hasn’t anything we’ve told you about dating sunk in?” Jimmy asked tragically knocking his head with the heel of his hand.

“Yes, it has and now I know you’ve been doing it all wrong,” Sean replied.

“How do you figure that?” Matt asked. “We date ten times more than you.”

“Well, that’s it, isn’t it?” Sean said smugly.

“What?” the three asked together, utterly confused.

“I don’t like dating and now I don’t have to. I found my next wife,” he said happily.

Jimmy and Matt’s jaws dropped.

“I’m going to kill him. I’m just going to put him out of his misery and mine too while I’m at it!” Jason muttered resuming his stomping about the room.

“Guys, come on! You’ve all been divorced longer than me and are any of you closer to finding your soul mate? No! But I found mine last night. She was great, funny and sweet and nothing like Debra. Her husband was a giant ass. I’d like to introduce him to Debra. They deserve each other. Her kids are exactly the same age as mine. Mandy’s modest and nice and I like her. I like her so much. Don’t spoil this for me. Just don’t!”

“You don’t get it, Sean. They start out nice and then they turn on you once they think they got you hooked. It’s all a game and they have all the rules and we’re out on our own trying to catch up,” Matt said frantically.

“They’re only out for themselves, so you gotta watch out for yourself,” Jimmy added.

“And since you won’t listen, you’re gonna end up with another tattered heart asking us what you did wrong,” Jason said angrily. “You think we want to see you like that again? Like you were when that miserable shrew kicked you out? That’s what we’re trying to avoid, you idiot!”

“We’re trying to spare you grief,” Jimmy said gently.

Sean shook his head. “You don’t get it, none of you. That list of stupid rules is the game. You are the ones playing games and getting nowhere except going to jail without collecting the two hundred dollars. You’ll never get to Park Place or Broadway that way. You’ll never win. If you would just forget about all that and just be yourselves and stop with all this game stuff, then maybe you can find decent women. I did, totally by accident, but I did. I know you don’t believe me and I don’t expect you to. But I hate being single. I want to be in love again. I’m half way there already and I don’t care if she breaks my heart. I’ll just try again. I’m not giving up on love. I won’t do it!”

They simultaneously groaned in defeat.

“So, what are you saying? You already asked her out again?” Matt asked.

“As soon as you guys leave I’m picking up my kids and Mandy and her kids and taking us all to a soccer game. Then we’ll go for pizza or burgers and maybe a movie or something,” Sean said.

They gaped at him. “You’re supposed to wait a week to ask them out again,” Matt said with a sigh. “It’s on the list.”

“If you want to play by stupid, arbitrary rules I can’t stop you, but I don’t play games,” Sean stated sternly.

“You only just met her last night and already you’re a family?” Jimmy said incredulously.

“Are you trying to kill me?” Jason asked weakly.

“No, I’m just trying to get a life. I suggest you do the same. Now if you will excuse me I have to go see my beautiful, new girlfriend. Lock up when you leave,” Sean said happily and he left jingling his car keys as he went. They heard his car back out of the parking spot. They sat listlessly as if having just gone through a wrestling match with an octopus.

“You don’t suppose he’s right?” Jimmy asked after a few minutes silence.

“What, about playing games? Hell no. Everybody plays games. It’s the way of the world,” Jason said dismissively.

“But what if that’s exactly why the world is in such a mess?” Matt asked frowning warily.

They stared at each other. “Ridiculous! You’ll see. Sean will be crawling back with his tail between his legs asking us for advice,” Jason said, though not very convincingly.

After a minute Jimmy got up and went to the door.

“Where you going?” Matt asked.

“I just thought I’d...what the hell! I’m gonna call Tracy and ask her to come out with me and my boys,” he said eagerly.

“But didn’t you just take her out two days ago?” Matt asked.

“So, what? If Sean can be happy without playing games so can I!” Jimmy shouted, then he stormed out.

“What the heck? Has everybody gone insane?” Jason shouted.

“Well,” Matt said also getting up, “insane people are usually the happiest. I say to hell with those stupid rules. I wonder if Mandy has a sister. Maybe I can still catch Sean.” He then ran out the door.

“Wait! Ask if she has any cousins, too!” Jason yelled, running after him.