Still The Dad

             

“Dad, this is the thing...”

Kevin had a feeling of foreboding when he heard this from his son. He was the Dad, he was supposed to be in charge, yet here he was at the kitchen table facing what looked to him very much like a pair of parole judges in teen garb. He had the fleeting notion he should have acquired the services of a good lawyer. They were smiling indulgently at him, too. Was this a ploy to get him to lower his defenses so they could go in for the kill?

“ You’re the best Dad anyone could have,” Lydia started.

“ You were my coach for almost all my little league teams and you’re at all my football games,” Jimmy said.

       

“You came to my dance recitals and concerts and even took me to girl scouts”

“And you never complain when we have our friends over.”

       

There was a pause. This wasn’t a bad start, Kevin thought, but what else was coming? He had to ask.

“But...?”

 Lydia and Jimmy glanced at each other, took a deep breath and in unison said “But you’re a lousy Mom.”

Kevin visibly deflated. This was true, he was horrible at being the mom. Ever since Rebecca had died two years ago he had tried to be both mom and dad to his kids and he was failing miserably. Everything Rebecca did was perfectly wonderful, from birthdays to laundry and everything in between, and he just couldn’t compete.

       

“Daddy, we’ve devised a plan to fix the situation and we’d like you to listen.” Lydia spoke with a crisp business-like voice way beyond her fifteen years as she unfolded a piece of paper and placed it in front of her father.

“Number one, we’re thoroughly sick of instant mac and cheese and hot dogs are just not real food,” said Jimmy in a matter-of-fact sort of voice.

       

“As you know, I’ve started my Food Prep course at school and I need practice, so I’d like to take over the cooking and food shopping. I might open my own restaurant one day,” Lydia said brightly. “Or maybe a catering business.”

“Or you can be the cook at my sports bar!” Jimmy interjected excitedly.

Lydia frowned slightly. Though she had always supported her older brother’s desire to own a sports bar, she wasn’t at all thrilled with the prospect of wasting her culinary skills on cigar-smoking bar enthusiasts.

       

“We’ll see about that,” she said tersely and turning to her Dad she added “If this is all right with you Daddy, please initial here.” She pointed next to the first item on the paper.

Did he have much choice, Kevin wondered? He took the proffered pen and scribbled his initials.

       

“Number two....”Jimmy said. “Since I was forever bugging Mom about getting my team uniforms just right, she taught me to do them myself and, no offense Dad, but I’m not secure enough in my masculinity to risk wearing pink shirts and underwear. I’d be laughed off the team! So, I’d like to take over laundry duty.”

       

Kevin would have normally laughed at such a statement, but his mind was still reeling from item number one and he simply mumbled, “Okay.”

       

“Please initial here,” Jimmy pointed to second item on the sheet this time.

       

“Number three is more complicated,” stated Lydia “It concerns the general cleaning, you know, sweeping, vacuuming, bathrooms.  We all have such crazy schedules, what with team and choir practices, dance classes and we have to have time for friends, so we think we should get together Sunday after church and make a schedule to suit all of us. How would that be Daddy?”

       

“Uh, Okay,” was all Kevin could come up with.

       

“Great! Initial here please,” said Lydia cheerfully.

       

“Number four is most important, Dad, so listen up.” Jimmy had a stern look on his face, but he continued,  “Dad, you’ve got to get out there.”

       

“Get out where?” Kevin asked, confused and slightly panic-ridden. Were they kicking him out of his own house?

       

“Daddy, Uncle Bobby keeps calling to see if you want to go bowling and you always say no. This has to stop,” Lydia said very serious now.

       

“You should go play basketball like you used to. You’re getting a little soft around the middle, you know,” Jimmy said, unabashed.

       

“You should call Vince and go out for a beer, because…because the vultures are circling and you must head them off before they pounce!” Lydia said.

       

“What are you talking about?” Kevin said, totally perplexed now.

       

“Daddy, I have it on good authority that you are officially considered ‘on the market’ for all unattached females within a fifty mile radius who’d love to ‘bump uglies’ and break your heart just like those ‘Sex in the City’ tramps. Since you’re such a babe-magnet you need to be on guard.  I always thought you were very lucky Mom wasn’t the jealous type.”

       

Kevin’s head spun. Why was his baby girl suddenly talking like a sailor on shore-leave? He raised he hand to stop her from uttering another vile word and asked, “Where do you get this Babe-magnet stuff? I never, ever cheated on your mother!”

       

“Who the heck said that?” Jimmy bristled.

       

“Well, duh,” Lydia snapped. “Jimmy would sooner quit all sports than you cheat on Mom.”

Lydia rolled her eyes so reminiscent of her mother that Kevin wondered if she was channeling Rebecca’s spirit.

       

“Daddy, you are so clueless. The women in town have always been jealous of Mom because she had the best husband around. They love you ‘cause you talk to them, you listen to their petty complaints and you’re good-looking, too, but you’re vulnerable now and you need to go easy so you can find the right one.”

       

“But I’m not looking for another wife, “Kevin said. “Not now... not for a good long time...if ever.” Voice fading to a whisper, Kevin looked down at his hands which were now clenched on the table. There had a lump in his throat and his eyes started to burn. He furiously blinked back tears.

       

Jimmy reached out across the table, put his hands on his father’s and said, “Dad, we know you love Mom but she wouldn’t want to see you hiding from the world, alone and so lonely. We want to see you happy again.”

       

Speaking around the constriction in his throat, Kevin said, “I’m not ready.”

       

“Daddy, we’ll settle for you calling Uncle Bobby. He misses his little brother,” Lydia said.

       

“Yeah, he really needs you. His jokes are so lame!” an exasperated Jimmy said.

       

Laughing, Kevin stared at the two across from him and wondered how he ever got so lucky to get such great kids. Then it came to him... Rebecca. He grabbed the pen and paper and scribbled his initials next to item number four.

Then he frowned and said, “This has you two doing everything, so what do I do?”

They were both caught by surprise.

       

“Daddy it’s pretty obvious,” Lydia said.

       

“That’s a no-brain-er, Dad, “Jimmy said. “You go to work, you pay the bills, you fix up the house, yard and cars. You know...you do Dad stuff.”

Kevin smiled, his heart feeling lighter than it had in a long time. After all this, he was still the Dad.