Now that's Ironic

 “Alanis Morisett is an idiot! She has no idea what ironic is,” Henry snarled just before flipping the bird to a passing motorist on the early morning, congested freeway.

Gerri bent her head and pressed her lips together to keep for bursting out laughing. Her car pool buddy was in rare form today and that poor Canadian pop singer was likely to take the brunt of his wrath.

“I don’t know about that, Henry. Isn’t it ironic that it should rain on your wedding day? It is supposed to be the happiest day of your life and everything should go perfect. To have it rain on you must be.....”

“Just a tropical depression. Some people like it to rain on their wedding day...something about it being good luck,” he retorted before swerving in front of a tiny smart car.

“Okay,” she said slowly, “How about a free ride when you’ve already paid? That’s a bit ironic, no?”

He pursed his lips for a bit then said, “That’s just stupidity. She should have asked for the ride before paying for a ticket.”

She was going to bust a gut if she didn’t laugh out loud soon, but in the mood he was in, she was more in danger of his swerving into a truck and killing the both of them. “All right. But ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife? A ninety-eight year old guy winning the lottery and then dying? And the death row pardon two minutes too late? You gotta give her that.”

He made a growling noise in his throat which she took as a grudging “Yes”. She continued, “And it is ironic that the man spent all those years playing it safe only to give in and finally get his butt on a plane and have it crash to the ground.”

He said nothing. She continued, “Now, I’ll give you the good advice that you just didn’t take. That is just stupidity. And meeting the man of your dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife. Not only does that not meet ironic qualification but boy, does that suck! Which brings us to Kendra. How did things go with you last night?” she asked tentatively.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Henry snapped irritably.

“Okay,” she said slowly, drawing a deep breath before adding, “So, a black fly in your Chardonnay... I think that’s just because they were out at a picnic. A ‘No Smoking’ sign on your cigarette break. Well, that’s just going to help you quit smoking which is what you should be doing. What do you think?”

“We broke up,” he hissed almost inaudibly.

“I’m sorry, Henry. I know how much you liked her,” Gerri replied sympathetically.  She reached out a hand and lightly touched his sleeve.

“Yeah, well...talk about irony. Just when I think I’ve found the perfect girl for me she ends up being a commitment-phobe. It sucks!”

“Well...that just means...she’s a moron because you are wonderful, Henry. You don’t want to be with a moron, do you?” she said.

He glanced at her quickly looking so sad. “But I really liked that moron.”

“Oh, Henry, I am so sorry. Listen, we’ll go out tonight and get plastered. How about it?” she said coaxingly, “By the end of the night you won’t even remember that idiot.”

He smiled for the first time that day. “You know what’s ironic?”

“Oh, we’re on that again, are we? Uh...Traffic jam when you’re already late? That’s just life in the big city, Bud.”

He actually laughed and he shook his head. “What is ironic is that I didn’t like you when we first started working together and now you’re my best friend.”

“Heck, we ought to tell Alanis Morisett!” Gerri said gleefully.

“Yes, we should,” he agreed chuckling. He took his hand off the steering wheel long enough to grab Gerri’s hand and kissed it. “I love my best friend.”

Gerri loved Henry, too…but not just as friends. Now that’s ironic!