What It’s Like To Be Born

Ow! What’s going on? Who’s squeezing me? Hey, where did my nice, warm water bed go? Oh, I don’t like this at all! Stop pushing me!

What’s all the squeezing about? Ow! My head hurts. Watch the head! Ow, ow, ow! Uh, what a relief. Whoa! Turn off that bright light. Where’s that awful light coming from? Hurts my eyes. Oh, no, more squeezing. My shoulders are going to cave in if they keep squeezing them together like that. Owwwww!

Ugh, at least the pressure’s off but damn, it’s cold! Oh, I don’t like this one bit. No warm water, too much light and ...wait, what are you doing to me? Leave me alone! Get that thing out of my mouth. Stop poking me. Stop doing whatever it is you’re doing and get me back where I was. I was fine there. I was happy there. Yes, it was cramped but I liked it that way. I was very secure in there. Now this stinks. I’m cold, I’m hungry and I wanna go back!

“Oh, she’s perfect. Look at her, Charlie.”

Hey, I know that voice. She’s real nice. She used to rub my tushie when I was restless. She used to talk to me all the time. She made all sorts of plans for me. She was making a blanket for me. Wonder where it is? I could really use it right now!

“She’s beautiful, Jeanie. Our baby’s wonderful. I love you.”

Hey, I know that voice too. He used to tease me. He called me a linebacker for the Green Bay Packers. He ain’t too bright. I was just dancing to the music I was hearing. Somebody named Shakira, I think. Really groovy stuff. I liked it. But I heard all sorts of music. He might be dumb but he does have a nice singing voice. What song did he sing to me?  

♪ ♫… La, la, la....even though we ain’t got money...I’m so in love with you, Honey…♩ ♬ Yeah, I like that song. Sing it now, Mr. Man. Who is that guy? Why’s he rubbing his nose with mine? It tinkles, but I kinda like it.

Whoa, where are they taking me now? Oh, that feels nice. She’s warm and she looks nice. Oh, it’s the pretty voice from before, the tushie rubber. Nice face. I like her, too. Oh-oh, what’s that? Hm, I like it whatever it is. Creamy, tasty, fills up my tummy. This nice lady sure knows how to treat you after a hard day. Oh, yeah, I like that just fine.

Whew! So, that's what it's like to be born. That was rough for a while. But it’s okay now. I’m warm, they’re holding me tight and my belly’s full. This is good. Life is good. I think I’ll stick around for a bit. But right now I need to sleep. I’m exhausted! Nighty-night.